So I was wondering what Skyrim might have been like if my character tweeted a little about her escapades in the harsh, snowy realm. So for a bit of a laugh I decided to create a timeline that loosely mirrored what my character got up to. It’s just a silly bit of fun that ended up a bit longer than I anticipated!

Oh, yes, this is littered with spoilers and profanity, so tread carefully all who read on…

ZOMG, totally busted by Imperials for crossing Morrowind/Skyrim border. Taking me for punishment. #EmpireSucks

posted: 17 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Been tied up so unable to skweet, just got free. A dragon attacked us! A fucking dragon!! W00t! #crazyshit #run

posted: 17 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Escaped from dragon with an Imperial guard. He wants me to join Imperial army, Lulwut?! They tried to kill me?!

posted: 17 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

It’s cold but I like it here, pretty flowers everywhere. I ate some blue ones. #TummyAche

posted: 17 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Found a mining cave, went in to say hello but got attacked. They weren’t miners. Killed them all & slept in their beds lol!!

posted: 18 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I just unlocked the “Newbie” badge on @RimSquare

posted: 18 First Seed via RimSqre

Took all of the cabbages in carts at Riverwood, they didn’t mind. Shopkeep asked me to get a claw back too. #chores

posted: 18 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Drunk adventuring FTW. I’m totally desecrating the dead right now! Check it out…

posted: 19 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Got the claw back but not before I found it it was a key. Kept the treasure for myself. Found some weird letters on a wall. #Awesome

posted: 19 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Punched a chicken to death in the street…no-one cared! Am going to Whiterun, this place is dull.

posted: 19 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Some bitch elf beat me up, I think it might have been @denoraek. Nobody helped me

posted: 19 First Seed | @chicken via Skwitter

Got bitten by a wolf, looks infected, bad times.

posted: 20 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Found a farm, people keep saying I don’t look very well & should get some sleep. :/

posted: 20 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

EUUW! I’ve got crabs!! Well, what’s left of the mudcrabs I found crossing the river anyway. #NotTheSTD

posted: 20 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I just ousted Jarl Balgruuf as Mayor of Whiterun @Rimsquare

posted: 20 First Seed | @denoraek via RimSqre

Hey babe, want to come to the mead hall later? I was an adventurer like you, once, until I took an arrow to the knee.

posted: 21 First Seed | @guard via Skwitter

Spoke to the Jarl, told him about the dragon attack. Found some people called ‘The Companions’ who want my services.

posted: 21 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Got a girl-crush on the Jarls dark-elf second in command. She’s hawt! <3 #sexy

posted: 21 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

More dragons! This dickhead wizard wizard & the sexy elf want me to help fight it. Sucks to be me.

posted: 23 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Ha! That was easy, dragons suck teh ballz! Shit got weird though, something happened to me when it died. #weirdedOut

posted: 23 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I wish @guard would stop bothering me about his dragon-fighting cousin…I’m the dragonborn, okay?!

posted: 24 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Hey babe, missed you at the inn for the dragon killing celebrations. I used to celebrate, once, until I took an arrow to the knee.

posted: 25 First Seed | @guard via Skwitter

@denoraek Didn’t appreciate the explicit DM, I’m not interested in a night under the stars with a bottle of skooma. #blocked

posted: 25 First Seed | @irileth via Skwitter

#FollowFredas @denoraek @irileth @guard My dragon killing homies!

posted: 30 First Seed | @jarl_b via Skwitter

Got me a slave housecarl & I’m a Thane of Whiterun! In your face @irileth!

posted: 30 First Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Sent housecarl home, stupid wench set off every trap. Needs to look up ‘sneak’ in a dictionary too. #grumpy

posted: 1 Rain’s Hand | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Sorry for lack of updates, snowstorm cocked up the signal. Have been working loads for the Companions. #money

posted: 12 Rain’s Hand | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Went to meet Aela tonight, she’s only a fucking werewolf!! WTF!…brb they want me to join. Aela’s hot.

posted: 14 Rain’s Hand | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek @companions Shut up, that’s a secret!! =[ You think I’m hot? =D

posted: 14 Rain’s Hand | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

Lolz I’m a werewolf! I think I killed someone bare-clawed style…feel like hungover or something though!

posted: 15 Rain’s Hand | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Hey sexy, when are you back in Whiterun, got a great story about the time I took an arrow to the knee!

posted: 24 Rain’s Hand | @guard via Skwitter

This gang attacked the companions & killed our boss. I’m going to try and take over. #Winning

posted: 29 Rain’s Hand | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

More walking and questing. #sameoldshit

posted: 3 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Went to this remote place to help ghost of companion leader. Am now leader! Woo! =D

posted: 2 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek @aela_huntress Did you cure yourself too? That’s not gonna go down well with some…

posted: 2 Second Seed | @Farkas via Skwitter

@denoraek @Farkas Just Deno did, sadly, I thought there was some animal magnetism between us…

posted: 2 Second Seed | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

@aela_huntress @Farkas I thought so too…and there still is..

posted: 2 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Massive crush on Aela, she’s so sexy. #Girlcrushextreme

posted: 4 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Took a ride to Windhelm on a horse & cart. Boy said he was going to be an adventurer so I shot him in the knee with an arrow. #slowTrip

posted: 4 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I just unlocked the “traveller” badge on @rimsquare

posted: 4 Second Seed | @denoraek via RimSqre

Windhelm is so racist! Totally going to sue for racial abuse when I get back to Whiterun. Is it cos I is Dunmer?!

posted: 4 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Broke into this orphans house, weirded out by the skeleton & shit he had there. As I was caught I pretended to be Dark Brotherhood.

posted: 5 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Go home Dunmer, Nords don’t need your kind stealing our Dragonborn rights!

posted: 2 Second Seed | @ulfric_sc via Skwitter

Crap now the kid wants me to kill some old lady…maybe later. :/

posted: 5 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I am at Dawnstar @rimsqaure

posted: 7 Second Seed | @denoraek via RimSqre

The sea!! No-one can sleep apparently so I’m going to a temple with Erandur to kill a ghost or something. #questing

posted: 7 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Erandur ran into the temple to unlock a door, now he’s vanished. Great. WTF, dude?! Screw this I’m going back to town. #QuestFail

posted: 7 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Another dragon attacked me and a bear, killed them both. Heh. Bags full of shit though, can’t run!

posted: 9 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Oh god this is soooo annoying but I don’t want to leave anything behind #encumbranceIsShit

posted: 10 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@HouseCarlWench Can you come and meet me to carry some of this crap?

posted: 10 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Made Health Potion(alc) and Weak Poison(alc) in last 24 hours. Craptr.rim/denoraek

posted: 12 Second Seed | @denoraek via Craptr

I am at Whiterun @rimsquare

posted: 13 Second Seed | @denoraek via Rimsqre

Sucks, I have to go up a mountain to see some beards because I can shout like dragons or something. #sigh

posted: 17 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Got lost and found some giants and mammoths. I can haz mammath burgerz? lolz

posted: 18 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Selected wrong satnav destination, am now in Riften. There’s a dead thief in the centre of town…I took his stuff.

posted: 19 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Some guy called Brinyolf or Brynjolf or something wants me to steal something. Sounds like a laugh.

posted: 19 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I am at Thieves Guild, Riften @rimsquare

posted: 20 Second Seed | @denoraek via Rimsqre

It all makes sense now, he’s in the thieves guild. I have to give up public skweets for security reasons

posted: 20 Second Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Hey babe, haven’t seen you about, just checking you havent taken an arrow to the knee. Write me.

posted: 21 Second Seed | @guard via Skwitter

@denoraek Where’d you go off to? Assignment? Could you tell us what to do now?

posted: 24 Second Seed | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

@denoraek Lol, Farkas just went mental in werewolf form when we threw a stick. Aww.

posted: 25 Second Seed | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

Back! Am now Thieves Guild leader so I make the rulez! Bored of stealing though, want some action back in my life.

posted: 2 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Killed the old lady for that kid, Aventus, then a naked courier delivered a picture on some paper. Weird man. Going for nap.

posted: 4 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Noise woke me up, think there’s someone in m-

posted: 5 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Freaky. This woman Astrid was from Dark Brotherhood. She lined up 3 people and I had to chose 1 to kill! Killed them all. 1/2

posted: 5 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Hate bitches and their mind games. That showed her, heh. 2/2

posted: 5 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I am at Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, Unknown @rimSquare

posted: 6 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via rimsqre

Some mentalist jester brought a skeleton to the sanctuary, he talks to it. This shit is messed up. Might leave this gang.

posted: 9 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Spare some change for a veteran?

posted: 9 Sun’s Height | @Noster via Skwitter

Astrid made me spy on the jester, I had to get in the coffin with the skeleton! Euww! It stank. The skeleton spoke to me. #freaked

posted: 11 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Seriously, spare some change for a veteran, I need money for Skyrim Fried Chicken.

posted: 11 Sun’s Height | @Noster via Skwitter

Found a book about how to cast fireballs. Fried a rabbit, lol. Told a guard and he said I should go to Winterhold College.

posted: 12 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@Noster I’ll give you a gold piece and some singed rabbit hide, but stop spamming – I’ll block!

posted: 12 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Sorry for the lack of skweets, mad shit happened with the Brotherhood. Bitches be crazy, yo! oh yeah, I’m now the leader! Woo!!

posted: 22 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Was just laughing at how I’m the boss of everything. Next thing you know I’ll be archmage, roflmao. Battery low

posted: 23 Sun’s Height | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek Something we said? We haven’t seen you in ages…we need orders…I’ve been naughty & need disciplining!

posted: 23 Sun’s Height | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

@denoraek Could you come to Winterhold? We need students!

posted: 23 Sun’s Height | @TheWizz via Skwitter

Denoraek has walked 73.8km in 9 hours #SkykeRunning

posted: 5 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skyke

Got new battery from Dwemmer ruins…looking for a staff for mages and taking ages.

posted: 5 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I just ousted Savos Aren as Archmage of Winterhold @rimsquare.

posted: 5 Last Seed | @denoraek via RimSqre

^^ Seriously, you couldn’t make this shit up!

posted: 5 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Sigh. More dragon attacks. Should probably see what these Greybeards want. #yawn

posted: 7 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

FUS-RO-DAH! Doesn’t have the same effect in a skweet. Remind me to show @aela_huntress and post a vid, she’ll love this.

posted: 9 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Bought a flame retardant rug for my living room! Didn’t even burn when I dropped a torch!

posted: 11 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I’ve been all over the Dwemer ruins for @Arniel with his stupid soulgem and now he’s ignoring me when I try to give him back the gems! The cheek!

posted: 13 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

For the love of Talos these people are lazy. No sooner have I finished a job than another rolls in!

posted: 14 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek I’ve thought about your plan…let’s do it.

posted: 15 Last Seed | @jarl_b via Skwitter

Saw @jarl_b today, we’re gonna trap a dragon. lulz.

posted: 15 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I think this guard has alzheimer’s, he’s told me five times about his dragon hunter cousin. :/

posted: 15 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Just trapped a dragon using l33t shouting skills. I’m like a god. Seriously, bow before me. #jokingButNotReally

posted: 16 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

I really shouldn’t have eaten that glowing dust. Feel ill now. #blech

posted: 18 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Made Major Health Potion(alc) and Cure Poison(alc) in last 24 hours. Craptr.rim/denoraekh

posted: 18 Last Seed | @denoraek via Craptr

@denoraek Just DM’d you a question…what do you say? xx

posted: 22 Last Seed | @aela_huntress via Skwitter

Happy days! Aela and me are getting married tomorrow in Riften. Bring presents. That means you @MavenBBriar. #stingybitch ;p

posted: 23 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

@denoraek @aela_huntress Gratz! Can I DJ at the reception?

posted: 23 Last Seed | @jarl_b via Skwitter

@denoraek @aela_huntress Spare some unwanted wedding gifts for a veteran?

posted: 23 Last Seed | @Noster via Skwitter

@denoraek @aela_huntress Need mead? I can supply the finest!

posted: 23 Last Seed | @Talen via Skwitter

Hmm elswyr fondue, my favourite! thanks @aela_huntress xx <3

posted: 25 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Stocking up for long trip to save Skyrim. Went to get a horse from @louisle, but which one?!

posted: 26 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

How did this guard find out I’m in charge of the Dark Brotherhood? Aren’t we a secret organisation! #FFS

posted: 26 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Have to leave phone here as it won’t get any signal where I’m going. Final battle time! Laters!

posted: 27 Last Seed | @denoraek via Skweetdeck

Hey babe, I was going to fight Alduin, once, but then I took an arrow to the knee. Good luck!

posted: 27 Second Seed | @guard via Skweetdeck